Right Where It Belongs....

I remember as a kid in highschool, I used to go hang at a mate's place on the weekend, and he would do a mix tape of what he felt the weekend was about. At times, I used to get a good chuckle at that, but as I have gotten older, I have found that music can really hit a deep chord in your psyche. Most people would say soul with music, but honestly, to me, it more plucks a string in the psyche, usually in a Jungian or even Nieztche kind a way.

Which brings me to this little number here. Honestly, if you haven't heard it, then go HERE . Ok, are we back yet?

Now a lot of people have been getting the existentialist view from it, the religious overtones et al, and you know what, I am glad you are getting something out of it. I would have to say it is one of the most beautiful pieces of music written, and I would have to go out on a limb, and say that in its level of description not matter what it is describing, it is up there if not equal to Lennon.

Where do I come into this? Well back around 9 years or so ago, I went to a shrink, which the clinical psychologist himself was awesome, and I found out one thing I never knew about myself. Apparently, living with a combat veteran, coupled with copious amounts of pain from bullying, surgery and other childhood experiences that would make a good case for psychotic medication, and the on top of that, learning to block out the pain and other childhood memories, can cause enough of a disconnect in the mind to give you a form of mild schizophrenia. I remember chatting with a friend from primary school a few years back, and she told me about things at school, which I have no recollection of. I even had to ask, what I was like as a kid, simply because I have very little recollection of it. I remember the painful bits, the surgeries, seeing other kids in surgery not making it, or the long hours just learning to block the pain, learning to love the moments where I was not. I still love the moments when I realize that existence is a result of someone else's perception of your own existence, and by blocking out people, you can in theory, not exist.

The thing is, this song, to me, reaches that place. It brings it up, and confronts it. It basically forces me to say "Yes, I see you. I know you are there. I acknowledge your part of who I am now, but that is all we have in common anymore." Actually, I think I always liked Nine Inch Nails, deep down inside, but never understood the connection until I got older. The lead singer, and author of much of the music, Mr Trent Reznor, has had his share of struggles in life. Were they born from his fame and stardom, or were they a symptom of something deeper down, that was enhanced by this level of means? I am more of the opinion, it was the latter.

I have formed a great respect for Trent. Having read some articles on what he has gone through, in his life, it gives you that warm and fuzzy feeling that you know, the famous, the "higher ups"in society, can be just as fucked up as those of us who grease the wheels. It is comforting to know, that even though you would never meet that particular person, or the chances of it are so slight or remote, but it makes you feel that, sometimes, some of the more famous do understand.

I have been told on a frequent basis, that people are surprised I am not on drugs, anti-psychotics or locked up somewhere nice and comfy with a padded room and no view. Honestly, I am too! Believe me, seeing the looks on someone's face when they ask what your favourite Halloween decoration is, and you say heads on a post, is quite bemusing, but more funny, they don't realize you are actually thinking if theirs would make a good addition or not LOL.

There are days I have pondered going back to a psychiatrist, and I think and as part of a promise I made to my best friend on this earth, I might just do that sometime in the near future. But, until I feel the veil getting thin, I think I will use discipline and severe concentration to control it. So, if you have never met me, and are reading this, if you think I have this severe look on my face, there is a reason for it. If you ask, I will just hit play on Right Where It Belongs, and let you hear why.

Mr Reznor, thank you for giving a voice to what goes on inside, without scaring people.