Contolling the past through the present.

Living in the past is like living in a house with things that are broken, and unable to be repaired. Sure, you are living in a house, but what are you getting from it? Your fridge is broken, your food goes off. Your stove doesn't work, so you eat cold off food. Eating all this off food makes you sick, and that is what living in the past does.

I am, wait, let's correct that, WAS super guilty of just this. Constantly using my physical conditions to justify what a shit growing up I had. Using my past to excuse why I wasn't good at this or that, or didn't do what I should have done. These all boil down to one word. Excuses. Humans are fantastic at devising these. Bring in religion on top of that, and well your excuses become even more fantastic. Regular excuse: I didn't learn how to count, because my parents were stupid. Okay, a partial excuse, but you could have paid attention in class. Excuse with Religion: I didn't learn how to count, because my parents said that since I was a girl, then I didn't need to count. Wow. This turns from being a passable excuse because of circumstance, to a huge abuse of a person's basic right to education.

What does this have to do with living in the past? Simple. Excuses are bred out of the past. We take something from the present, or the non-substantial future, and add something from the past to give us a reason for why we can't do it. Example: I can't wear sandals, because my dad wore them with knee high socks. Actually, this one is true, but what you are seeing, is that I am bringing up a current problem and using the past to justify it. What if, the reason I don't like wearing sandals is because I continuously stubbed my little toe, but didn't want to admit it because it made me feel embarrassed about not having complete muscular control in my right leg? Which is also a truth. But, I would rather use the past as it is more convenient and easier to justify, and in this case, I know a lot of my primary school friends would get a laugh out of it, because certain parents and teachers did the exact same thing. But what you are seeing, is that we use the past, not only on a personal scale, but a global scale. My dads father hate Irish people, he made them out to me as a child, to be these demonic people, and I can't remember why anymore, but he had a passionate hatred towards them. What had all the Irish in the world done to make him hate them so much? How is it, that the first person I met who was Irish, I became great friends with, and wish I had kept in touch to this day? It was because, when we judge some group, it is usually because of a notion from the past, one that has been brought around by generation after generation. What we are not looking at is what those people, in that particular country/nation/ethnic group are like right now. Now, I know a lot of you are going to comment on multiculturalism, and how it is becoming apparent that it isn't working in a lot of places, but this is due to a very simple thing. People are not willing to co-operate or change, because they feel that they are going to lose their past, their identity. What if you realized that your identity is that of a human being that shares the planet with 7.4billion other human beings? Sure, if you or someone else moves to a foreign country, then yes, the obligatory learning how to speak the local language is the must, or at least attempting. But, remember, it is these outside societal influences, these social programmes that we have had to endure for thousands of years, that are dividing us, and causing all the problems in the world. It is not that person A is any different other than colour and a few variations in the genetic structure, but they are still someone who wants their children to grow up in peace and happiness.

The past and social programming give us the tools to take away the responsibility from our own actions. They allow us to ignore the present, what is directly affecting us at this exact second in time. Right now, I am sharing my thoughts, listening to some music, taking a breath in and smelling the mint tea on the floor next to me, and enjoying the full belly I have. Other than that, I am not concerned about the war in Syria, as heartless as it sounds, it doesn't affect the exact second of time I am describing to you. It doesn't affect the fact that I am doing these things. What it does affect though, is that fact that I empathize with the innocent people who are being slaughtered, in the name of nationalism and politics. It hurts my mind to realize that babies are not going to have the chance to make this world a better place, because their parents belonged to the wrong religion/belief/political party. These children were not yet programmed by society. All they wanted to do was love and play, they wanted to enjoy each second that they could, because at that age, time doesn't matter to them, it has no hold over them. All it means, is that when mummy or daddy say bed time, that means they have to sleep, so they can play again tomorrow. As you can see, the past and social programming is detrimental to our health. I am more concerned about how things are being sold to us, or about how my Irish friend had lost her boyfriend to a bomb blast because he was caught in the wrong spot at the wrong time. These variables, these things that we cannot change because they come from the past.

It kind of sounds hopeless when you look at it from the point of view of worshipping the past. The past with all this power, this hold over our thoughts and dreams, our desires (or the denial thereof in some circles). These past snapshots are just that. Moments in time, that should not have a hold over how we are perceived and act today. If I were to kill a woman who had sex before marriage, because according to the bible, that is what should be done, does that make me any better than her and what she had done. Well according to the past, yes it does! But, really, in the current, it makes me a murderer, and I have the life of a person I don't know or who has done nothing to me on my hands. What a hold the past has on us! How can we show that it is the past that makes our problems worse, that makes our lives harder. Right now, I am listening to a piece of music from my youth. When I was younger, it had a personal meaning to me, and I smile to think of it. I am having a memory of the past. Yet in that next instant, I am listening to the song without that memory, and I enjoy it just as much, because I like the feel of the song, the groove, the beat. I just overrode ac memory, and enjoyed the song for the first time without a memory affecting my perception of it. But if I had sat and listened to that song with the original memory it was linked to, I would be depressed and brought back into a space in time I didn't care for. I think the slogan of Ingsoc in George Orwell's 1984 had an interesting bit of truth in it:
He who controls the present, controls the past.
He who controls the past, controls the future.
This could be insightful into how we think. If I can live in the present, I can control the aspects of how the past influences what is happening right now. I can't ignore that I am perceived by others, primarily based on my past, but I can control those bits of the past that I want others to see, so I can use it to influence how they see me in the future. This allows me to live in a manner, where I am not letting the things that are done, undo the things that are happening right this second, or might happen, in a seconds time. Sure, there are certain truths that cannot be changed. I have 2 parents, I was born with birth problems. These are things that are fundamental truths. But I can control the fact that not even a month ago, I would wake up in the middle of the night, because something from my childhood kept popping up. Not even 1 week ago, I decided that the unchangeable events, those things that had no bearing on how I conduct myself now, were not necessary for my daily survival, I slept better, and have not had it come back even once! It is because I am in control of how I react now to things going on around me, those things that I can change, I change. Those things that I can't change, I acknowledge that I can't change it, but try to find a way to work with it as part of my world view. This led me to be able to realize that the past cannot be changed, things cannot be undone, but I can control how I, Jim, react to their influence. I decided that 95% of the things in my past have no concern on my current. Being called hipless doesn't influence the fact that I have a brand new hip, it influenced my self esteem. Being told I couldn't join the army doesn't mean I can't take the lessons I learned from the 5 years of experience, and the probably 10 or more years of interest in military history, and learn the lessons and apply them to the now. I hold myself proud and tall, I walk with a purpose, I analyze 200 steps ahead, and 100 steps behind, and make assessments on my safety. It doesn't mean I am going to throw a grenade to remove the threat, but it does mean that I will re-navigate a safer route. It almost destroyed me not getting into the military, but now, I think it was a good thing. Being too efficient at somethings is not a good thing these days.

But how does having control of your present, and by proxy, your past, have an effect on your future, especially if you believe that the future is uncertain, and may not come because of the myriad of ways that human life can be cut short? Well, that is an interesting question, but it can be answered. As I said, as much as I know that the future has a good way of not being what you think it should be, the dinosaurs, if they were more sentient than we know of, realized this the drastic way, that whilst you can create a path or grand plan for yourself, you can only move onto the next stage if all the things in the current stage have been met. For example, for me to get my goal of working with disabled athletes, I need several steps. Level 2 Fitness, Level 3 Personal Training, UK Strength and Condition accreditation and possibly Level 4 advanced training, and more knowledge on top of that through experience. When I first was interviewed for the Level 2 course, I was asked what I wanted to do. When I told them my long term goals, and the intended course of action, the articles I have read and my personal history with disability, the only thing I didn't have an idea on was time. I knew this was the right step, because by putting a time frame on it, I am potentially setting myself up to fail, and failure does not produce a satisfactory response. By negating a precise time frame, it keeps me in the current and makes me look for alternatives to help get there. For example, I am looking for funding to get the level 3 portion done. Now, while I am doing that, I am also looking for a back up job, as well as looking at research on different disabilities that I would encounter. This then led me to ask for a position that I knew would not lead to a job right away. Now, this has caused some strain, but what it has done, is guaranteed that I am doing the right things to work towards my plan. Now that I have a reputation as someone who is working towards a specific goal, and not just an economic goal, I am able to start applying for the jobs as a security. This will then allow me to bring knowledge I have gained, and say, we should incorporate this and that. This is me controlling my present, to bring about the changes required to help bring that future a bit closer to fruition. I am not controlling what the future is doing, because the future as I believe, may be snuffed out by human stupidity, or a meteorite, or a speeding vehicle, but, I am laying the groundwork to make the next step I can control.

To be continued.