Ministry service! That is right, by the love all things, I want to start a ministry service. I hear you say, "But Jim, we know you are not religious, and you can't even say that you are pure, sweet and innocent with a straight face", and you would be right! BUT, this isn't any ordinary ministry!
No, no my friends, this is a fitness ministry. Jim Smith's Fitministry! Or Disministry of Fitness. Actually, we shall go with option 2 on this one!! So, if by the grace of Cthulhu, and the metals steel and iron, I would like to quote something very holy to you.
Deadlifticus
Romanians
Single Leg. 1: Before you, on thine ground, if you can spotteth thine dumbbell laying just in front of thoust 2:feet, which should be covered in the most appropriateth of clothing, not being all ill-fitting, and made 3: of materials that will upseteth, and hurteth thine toes underneath, thoust should approach with a foot, not much more than the length of thine own hand away from the dumbbell. 4: Thou shoult keep thine leg firmly braced, and with thine opposing hand, which be raiseth above thine head at full stretch 4: be brought down to thine weight, whilst at the same time, like a water tipping fountain in a garden, 5: thine other leg, with glutes engaged fully to keep the leg straight and strong, come up behind you like death to the infirm. 6: Once thine weight has been grasped firmly, thou shalt at the most stable and effecientest of movements, come back up, and raiseth thine weight above the head, in worship and happiness of the love of fitness.
Yeah.. The book of Deadlificticus is the most holy and loved, and even diverse books of Disministry of Fitness. And unlike all other religious groups, we don't discriminate on sexual orientation, beauty or lack thereof. The Ten Commandments, most important of commandments, is Pick Up Thine Own Fucking Weights After Use.
I think I might be on(to) something here!
Hahahahahaahahahaha !!!!! You are the best !! Would love to join in your ministry !!!!
ReplyDeleteYou can be Head Priestess
Delete